A little history

Ok, first let me say that this post is probably one of the hardest post I'll ever have to write! The ONLY reason I am doing it is so that you can see where we have been and how far the Lord has brought us! We have a new church family and most of you guys have not gotten (had) to hear this! I pray that this does not change anybody opion of  Lance or me.
    With that being said lets jump right into it. In April of 2010, I entered a rehab center in Lubbock Tx. I had become addicted to pain medication given to me by the Dr. I was taking it for pain at first and before I knew it I was hooked! I knew this and went through detox in March only to relapse and almost killed myself! It was not a suicide attempt but that's how bad things got! SO, after rehab I came home to a very broken man. We had been having problems for a while but since I was so medicated we did not deal with them. Coming home and being clean and sober was a harsh reality for the both of us. There was so much hurt and distance between us. I decided in my twisted mind that leaving would be best. I moved to my mom's leaving not only Lance but also my babies. The same babies that I stayed home with ALL day every day, the same babies that I loved so much! I won't go into all the details but Lance and I both made big mistakes and did things we both regretted! We were separated for 3 months, both threatening to file for divorce, before I said my first prayer! Let me rewind and say this for the first month or so Lance did everything possible to get me to come home! I refused. Lance did an amazing job at taking care of the boys, I did see them but not daily like I should! Ok, so in September of 2010 I hit bottom! My mind was finally clear enough to see what I was doing and that I needed to be at least praying about it all! I prayed that God would make it clear what  His will was and that I'd be willing to do it! That is all it took!
    After 2 months of not wanting to work on my marriage because it might hurt and take some effort, that one prayer changed my life! The next day when I saw Lance I knew...... I knew with all my heart that he was meant to be my husband and that God could heal our broken relationship. I didn't say anything to anyone but kept praying the same prayer! A few weeks later I was still getting the weekends and Wednesday with the boys but I was going by after work and seeing them. That same week I started going over there and putting them to bed ( at their request). That is what opened up the door for Lance and I to hang out and talk! About a week later I broke down and begged Lance to go to counseling and see if there was any hope. I knew that if God was guiding me this way that would be all it took! God was right! We went to a couple counseling sessions and I started staying back at our house! I had not fully "moved" back in but we were trying! We both had a ton of stuff to deal with. Because of my horrible decision to leave we had both done things to hurt the other! By the 3rd week of October I was there all the time! I was still working and things were still really hard but I can look back now and see so many different ways God was moving in our lives! On November 15th we got the shock of our lives! I hadn't been feeling that great so I thought I take a pregnancy test. Yup it was positive! I cried, he was mad! How and why could this be happening! We already had so much to deal with and had only been living back as a family for about 3 weeks! What was God thinking???? That was the last thing we thought we needed! But, it wasn't like we had an option to put the baby on hold, so we had to get excited! It took me  SEVERAL months to be really excited. I also felt as though everyone was talking. Here we were just barely putting the puzzle back together and bam another baby! People did talk but we made it through it! As weird as this may sound this last pregnancy was probably the most enjoyable AFTER the shock wore off!
    Lance and I continued to work on us and in July we welcomed our baby girl Kesley Kate  into the world! Lance was finally able to be in the room during the delivery ( due to complications he was not able to witness the births of the boys). We had our little girl and our 2 amazing boys! We also had each other! Yes, there were still some issues and some things we have had to work through but life was going better than I ever could have imagined! The boys have had there issues they have had to work through but everyone has forgiven each other and put it behind us! There was only one thing missing............. a church home! We would go with my mom and sister some and visited around but we couldn't find out place! Just with in the last 2 months have we done that! We are a part of Experience life Amarillo and for the first time in a long time we are doing just that! Experiencing life the way God intended for us to! No we are not perfect, yes we still have things we are dealing with! BUT God is perfect and so is His will for us!!!!!
   WOW that was a lot and I am so tired emotionally and physically! So, I am going to go to bed! I hope that you all read this and understand us a little better! May God bless each and everyone of you! Hope you enjoy our journey......... it is NEVER dull with an 8yro old, 4 yr old and 8 month old!!!

P.S. I have 23 months and 5 days clean and sober!!!!